June 9, 2006. 5:00 AM. John wakes up from the sound of his alarm clock. For him, another day would only mean three things. Work. Work. And work. His life revolves on the bounds of his career as a senior project manager in an outsourcing company. Friends would mean associates. Family would mean his project team. Success would mean a completed project way beyond the deadline.
And Love would mean a promotion.
For someone whose god is his boss and whose faith is his career, he lives a meaningless and routine life.
John runs his life by the letter. He hasn’t been late nor absent to any of his commitments all his life. He does everything in precise timing as he planned. From the moment he wakes up in the morning until the time he closes his eyes at night, he never misses anything in his schedule. This natural phenomenon happens every single day of his life.
After taking a warm bath and changing into his clean corporate attire, he prepares his coffee. Black. Without cream or sugar. Just like his life: plain, bitter and dull. But it works for him for it charges him everyday without fail. He doesn’t eat anything for breakfast. He has read somewhere that a full stomach could interfere with the optimum functioning of the mind for blood in brain is allocated to the stomach to facilitate better digestion.
At exactly five-thirty in the morning, John leaves for work. He knows he should leave at this exact time for the latter he leaves his house, the greater chance that he would be late for work. Traffic in the metropolis is urban hell incarnate. He takes the monorail and in less than an hour he arrives at his office with several minutes to spare.
An hour ahead of his shift, he arrives at his office as planned. A sentinel greets him as he swipes his identification card at the entrance of their building. Since joining his company several years ago, he always arrives first at work without fail. If there was a lifetime award for punctuality and perfect attendance, it would be a no contest for him.
At around eight in the morning, John’s workplace starts to hum to the tune of an automated chaos. Cubicles are flooded with employees encoding data and answering phone calls, while offices are filled with project teams deciphering and completing complicated projects. Amidst the confusion, John stands focus and undisturbed, leading his team to another successful project.
"Well done, team," he tells his team.
"It’s great to be with you, Sir," one subordinate replies to him.
"You’re really amazing, Sir," another flatters him.
"You can return to your respective cubicles now. See you all on our next project."
As his team returns to their respective cubicles, John looks at his watch. 10:00 AM. At this moment everyday, his associate, Nicole, prepares a coffe and snack in their pantry. He peeks from his office but she was neither near their pantry nor in her office. He wonders what might happen to her. Like him, she’s neither absent nor late for work. He still remembers vividly the time where they were still newly hired in the company six years ago. They used to work in the same team. Due to their impressive performance, they have been both promoted as senior project managers in less than three years.
His reminiscing was disrupted by an applause from his officemates. He looks at the hallway and sees Nicole, with their boss, being congratulated by other employees.
"John," Nicole calls him from afar.
Nicole runs to him and flashes her sweet smile. From the way her eyes twinkle and her smile widens, John could conclude that she’s in a state of euphoria. All this time, she still looks mesmerizing, still taking his breath away every time he sees her. At five foot and five inches and armed with those Chinese eyes, fair complexion and slim figure, she is the most beautiful girl John has ever met. He even knows that every guy in their company, even his boss, wants to date her.
"I got our dream job, John," she frantically told him.
"What job?" he asked.
"I’m finally going to New York!"
"Whoa? Really? Congratulations…"
Unexpectedly, before John could finish his sentence, Nicole hugged him innocently. For the first time since they’ve met, that was the closest place he ever stood from her. In between her arms.
During that very moment, his mind was torn into two. He was happy for her. He felt his body absorbing her joy. He shared with her something they both dream of since starting in the company: that illustrious offer in New York. And yet the other part of him felt a certain lost. He felt that he was more deserving of that job. Skill-wise, he was far more competent that her. But attitude-wise, she dominated him in every aspect of the word. A lot of people used to find him weird, if not introvert. Rumors have even spread that he may be gay. And only Nicole was the one who never treated him like some science geek or some circus freak.
"I’m hungry," Nicole told John.
"So where do you want to order our lunch?"
"The usual."
"Grilled tuna in lemon sauce, fresh salad and red iced tea?" He remembers her favorite food in an instant, just like he remembers everything about her.
"You know me too well, John," she replied with a smile.
After less than an hour, their lunch arrived. Just like for the past six years, Nicole’s been eating grilled tuna in lemon sauce with fresh salad and red iced tea for lunch, while John’s been having roasted chicken breast with steamed vegetables and coffee crush shake. They’ve been having their lunch at Nicole’s office ever since.
And this lunch maybe their last one together.
While having their lunch, John can’t help but to look at Nicole’s office. Hers is a living contradiction of his office. While his own has the color of blue, their company’s color, hers has a touch of pink and red. He keeps that corporate-industrial atmosphere by having white lights and minimal metallic gray-colored furniture. Hers has a zen-glamorous ambiance with yellow and oranges lights complementing her comfortable brown oversized couches. He remembered back then that he found her taste inappropriate for their office but since then, he had learned to appreciate every piece of it. And he knows that when she leaves for New York, he’ll going to miss her office, and all the wonderful moments they shared in it.
Most of Nicole’s stuff were already placed on various boxes. The only things that were left untouched were those on her working table. One particular thing that caught his attention was her pictures. Most of it included him with her. Frozen in time were all those happy memories together as associates and as friends and he remembers every moment very well.
"You alright, John," Nicole asks John.
"Huh? Me? I’m fine. Why did you asked?"
"You haven’t touched your lunch. And I’m finished with mine. And that’s quite unusual."
"I guess I was stuck here looking at your pictures."
"Oh, these? Yeah. We were so happy together."
"Yeah. You look real nice."
"I’m gonna miss everything."
"I’m gonna miss you."
"…"
"…"
After what she heard, Nicole stared and wondered at John, while he continues to focus his attention to the pictures he was looking at.
At two in the afternoon, the two returned to their respective offices. John can’t seem to concentrate on his work. He kept on finding himself stuck in the moment, staring blankly at his office wall. He opens his right drawer and looks at the picture of him and Nicole. On the other hand, Nicole had already placed most of her stuff at their respective boxes. The only thing left to stash away was her pictures; most of it includes John with her. As she places them one-by-one on a box, she stares at them and wonders what he really feels for her.
Hours passed and the two were stuck in their respective emotional bubbles. John looks at his watch and it read "7:04 PM." He realized that he hasn’t finished anything after having lunch with Nicole. And he was two hours way pass his shift. He quickly fixed his stuff and closes his office. As he passes the hallway, he noticed that one room was still lit.
It was Nicole’s office.
He peeked inside and didn’t see her. He noticed that most of her stuff were already gone. One box remained placed on top of her working table. It has his name on it. He walks to it and looks inside. What he saw inside made him wonder.
Inside were all of Nicole’s pictures with him.
He picks one from the box and stares at it. In the picture he sees himself beside her. And the picture had an effect on him as if she was staring back at him. Frozen in that picture was her sweet smile. That same smile that kept him smiling on his own.
"Hey," a voice called John.
John turned around and saw Nicole standing at her office doorway.
"I’m sorry to meddle with your stuff." He quickly returned the picture back inside the box.
"No, it’s alright. Actually I was supposed to give those to you but I guess I choose to stash them last. I was planning to leave them at your office door."
"Oh…"
"I didn’t know you were still here at the office. You should be already at your home. Didn’t you just finish your project this morning? Don’t tell me you’re working overtime." And she flashed again her sweet smile.
"I guess I just forgot the time. I was about to leave when I noticed your office has its light on. I just drop by to check it out."
"That’s it?"
"Huh?"
"You just came by to check on my office lights?"
"Yep. I promise. I really didn’t mean to meddle with your stuff."
"You do understand that I’m leaving for New York tomorrow, and that’s all you can say?"
"Huh?"
"Aaarrggg! You’re hopeless, John!"
"???"
Out of her own frustration, Nicole walks towards John, picks up her box containing all her pictures with him, shoves it to his chest, and turns her back at him.
"After you check out my office lights, could you do me some favor? Turn them off for me, lock the door and jump from the building. You’re smart enough to do that, right?" She stormed out of the room while fighting her own tears from falling.
John stood there, clueless. It took him a couple of minutes to comprehend what had just happened. He ran towards the parking lot of their company and saw Nicole driving away in her car.
At past eight in the evening, he was inside the monorail on his way home. He had with him the box that she gave him. He tried to contact her several times on her mobile phone but she was out of network coverage. His phone was shut off. His communication with her was shut off.
He was shut off from her life.
At around 11 in the evening, John can’t place himself to sleep. He visualized in his mind the whole day he had with Nicole. He doesn’t know if he did something for her to act that way but some part of him felt guilty for reasons beyond his reach. As for Nicole, she can’t sleep either. Her eyes won’t allow her. They seem to have minds of their own. All they wanted to do were to cry all night.
At around three in the morning, he was still awake, staring blankly at his wall. He remembered the box that she gave him. He opened it and laid its contents on his bed. Dozens of pictures silently screamed her name. As he gazed to all of their pictures he realized one thing. In all those frozen memories, there was one person that remained constant. There was one person who witnessed how Nicole became the person she is right now. There was one person who experienced with her all those happy moments.
He was there with her all along.
For six years that they were together, Nicole had strings of dates but nothing blossomed into any fancy romance. And in those years, he was the constant guy in her life, the closest she had to intimacy for he was always there lending a helping hand or a shoulder to cry on. How can he be so blind?
As he lay the last picture on his bed, he noticed a letter at the bottom of the box. He opened it. What he read completely made him blame himself for being so dense, being so naive of his relationship with Nicole.
"John, by the time you’re reading this, I’m on my flight to New York. In this box are our pictures. I’m leaving all of them to you. I guess these pictures would be the heaviest baggage I’m suppose to bring with me. I want you to have them. I want you to remember me, John. Please don’t forget me. Since the day I’ve met you, you were always at my side. You never tried to take advantage. At first I found that admirable. But as the years passed, I desperately hoped that just for once, you should have tried to ask me out even for a date, for surely I would say yes. I kept on looking for you in all those guys who courted me but no one was even half of what you are and what you can be. I know I’m making an embarrassment of myself right now. But for you, only in front of you, John, that I’m willing to do this for I still cannot comprehend why you haven’t done anything to reach out and take a chance at me. This is the first time I’m gonna be away without you and I’m scared, John. You have been the sole reason why I’ve stayed all this time in our company. But I guess I cannot continue to hope and wait for the day to come that you would realize how important am I to you. It has been my constant prayer every night for you to feel the same way for me. I love you, John, and not telling you is the one thing I fear the most. I want you to know how much you have shaped me, how much you inspired me. I’ll always keep you inside my heart…"
John stopped reading Nicole’s letter. He cannot understand further the things written in it for his own tears had already smudged its remaining parts. But he understands now. He also secretly loves her, just like the way she secretly adores him. He was also the sole reason why she never accepted any offers given to him from other companies before, just like she was the same reason why he stayed in their company all this time. It was also his desperate wish for her to notice him more than the bounds of their working and friendly relationship, just like her constant prayer every night for him to feel the same way for her. And it was also his greatest regret of losing her completely, just like her greatest fear of not telling him how important he is to her.
Their identical prayers were already answered. But their greatest fears had also come to life.
At around five in the morning, with tired eyes and a regretful heart, John finally dozed off to sleep.
* * * * *
June 9, 2006. 7:00 AM. John wakes up from the sound of his alarm clock. He used to believe that another day would only mean three things. Work. Work. And work. His life used to revolve on the bounds of his career as a senior project manager in an outsourcing company. Friends used to mean associates. Family used to mean his project team. Success used to mean a completed project way beyond the deadline.
And Love used to mean a promotion.
For someone who used to have a god as his boss and whose faith is his career, he used to lived a meaningless and routine life.
For today, his life’s going to mean only one thing: Nicole.
"Oh shit I’m late," he curses himself.
John used to run his life by the letter; thus, it was quite unusual for him to be late. Until now, he hasn’t been late nor absent to any of his commitments all his life. He used to do everything in precise timing as he planned. From the moment he wakes up in the morning until the time he closes his eyes at night, he never missed anything in his schedule. This natural phenomenon used to happen every single day of his life. But last night proved to be different from the other nights he had. He wasn’t able to sleep at all. All he did all night long was to lie awake and think of everything that supposedly happened yesterday.
Everything changed in just one night. And this morning would also be different from the rest of the mornings of his life.
He wasn’t able to prepare his usual warm bath. He just took a cold shower and changed into his clean corporate attire. He almost forgot to prepare his coffee. Black. Without cream or sugar. Just like his life: plain, bitter and dull. As he quickly prepares his coffee, he accidentally spilled it into his polo shirt. So much for his usual morning coffee and clean corporate attire.
At around seven-thirty in the morning, John leaves his house. He knows he should leave earlier for he would definitely be late for work. Traffic in the metropolis is urban hell incarnate. He takes the monorail and in an hour he arrives at his office with more than an hour to catch up.
An hour late of his shift, he arrives at his office. A sentinel stopped him on his way inside his office for he forgot to swipes his identification card at the entrance of their building. Since joining his company several years ago, he used to always arrive first at work without fail. If there was a lifetime award for punctuality and perfect attendance, he would definitely forfeit himself because of this fateful day.
At around nine in the morning, John’s workplace is busy humming to the tune of an automated chaos. Cubicles are flooded with employees encoding data and answering phone calls, while offices are filled with project teams deciphering and completing complicated projects. Amidst the confusion, John lost his concentration and cannot stay focus while leading his team in their current project.
"Let’s stop here and resume this after lunch break," he tells his team.
"You alright, Sir," one subordinate asks to him.
"Is there something wrong, Sir," another questions him.
"You can return to your respective cubicles now. See you after lunch."
As his team returns to their respective cubicles, John looks at his watch. 10:00 AM. At this moment everyday, his associate, Nicole, used to prepare a coffee and snack in their pantry. He peeked from his office but she was neither near their pantry nor in her office. He wonders what might happen to her. Like him, she’s neither absent nor late for work. He still remembers vividly the time where they were still newly hired in the company six years ago. They used to work in the same team. Due to their impressive performance, they have been both promoted as senior project managers in less than three years.
His reminiscing was disrupted by an applause from his officemates. He looks at the hallway and sees Nicole, with their boss, being congratulated by other employees.
"John," Nicole calls him from afar.
"Oh my God," John whispers to himself.
Suddenly, John found himself inside his own twisted daydream. He noticed that he have been in this day before. Nicole was suppose to be on her way to New York and yet she’s still in their office, bidding goodbye to everyone. He looks again at his watch. June 9, 2006. He looks at his desk calendar. June 9, 2006. He looks at the oversized calendar at their conference room. June 9, 2006.
It’s June 9, 2006 again. John is reliving the day he lost Nicole.
Nicole runs to him and flashes her sweet smile. From the way her eyes twinkle and her smile widens, John could conclude that she’s in a state of euphoria. All this time, she still looks mesmerizing, still taking his breath away every time he sees her. At five foot and five inches and armed with those Chinese eyes, fair complexion and slim figure, she is the most beautiful girl John has ever seen. He even knows that every guy in their company, even his boss, wants to date her.
"I got our dream job, John," she frantically told him.
"The New York offer?" he asked.
"Yes! Aren’t you happy for me?"
"Whoa? I’m ecstatic. Congratulations…"
Unexpectedly, before John could finish his sentence, Nicole hugged him innocently. For the second time since they’ve met, that was the closest place he ever stood from her. In between her arms.
During that very moment, his was completely sure of one thing. Despite feeling her happiness, he cannot be possibly be happy with the fact that she’s leaving him. He shared with her something they both dream of since starting in the company: that illustrious offer in New York. And yet that dream had suddenly become irrelevant. Whether he was more deserving of that job, he won’t exchange his life with Nicole for anything else in this world. A lot of people may find him weird, if not introvert, but no one doesn’t need to be a science geek or some circus freak to understand why he’s treating her importantly right now.
He had already experienced losing her. And he won’t let that happen again.
"I’m hungry," Nicole told John.
"So where do you want to order our lunch?"
"The usual."
"Grilled tuna in lemon sauce, fresh salad and red iced tea?" He remembers her favorite food in an instant, just like he remembers everything about her.
"You know me too well, John," she replied with a smile.
"Damn. This had happened already…" he whispered to himself.
"You were saying something?"
"Oh. Let’s try something different. Let’s eat outside. My treat."
"Really? Sure! I’ll just get my bag. Wait for me at the elevator."
As Nicole runs to her office, John shakes his head. He didn’t planned to have lunch with her. He should be ordering lunch and having it delivered straight to his office, just like he did yesterday, or for the past six years. But some part of him felt he meant what he just did.
Everything that happened yesterday is repeating itself, with the exception of John. He seems to have woke up from the wrong side of his bed. Deliberately or unintentionally, he’s been acting quite opposite of himself.
Inside the elevator, the two stood as they wait to reach the ground floor. Both of them felt the tension rising between them but neither did anything about it. In John’s mind, he was contemplating whether to stop Nicole from leaving while in Nicole’s mind, she was deciding whether to ask John what he really feels about her. But neither acted in time for the elevator door had opened before they can do anything.
For the first time in six years, Nicole won’t be eating grilled tuna in lemon sauce with fresh salad and red iced tea for lunch, while John won’t be having roasted chicken breast with steamed vegetables and coffee crush shake. And they won’t be having their lunch at Nicole’s office.
But still, this lunch maybe their last one together.
Inside Nicole’s car, they sat there motionless, hesitating to break the invisible barrier between them. Nicole started to feel frustrated, that same frustration on John she had kept for the past six years. Nevertheless, she’s still happy that he asked her out for the first and last time, and she would do anything to make this a memorable one, even having to break his silence for the nth time.
"Where to," Nicole asked John.
"Uhmmm… do you have any particular place in mind?"
>SIGH…<
"…"
"Alright. I got the place."
While having their lunch in a Japanese restaurant nearby, John can’t help but to look at Nicole. He’s in front of the girl he adores all this time. This had not happened yesterday and yet somehow, he had made it happen. If given the choice, he would freeze this moment just like a photograph and relive it over and over.
He was trying to remember everything that occurred yesterday, and he was trying to change everything right now. If his theory is correct, he was given another chance to redeem himself. He was given another chance to be with Nicole. He was given another chance to make her feel how much she means to him. He was given another chance to change his own destiny.
"You alright, John," Nicole asks John.
"Huh? Me? I’m fine. Why did you asked?"
"You haven’t touched your lunch. And I’m finished with mine. And that’s quite unusual."
"I guess I was stuck here looking at you."
"Oh…"
Nicole can’t help but to blush while John smiled at him sincerely.
"Yeah. You look real nice."
"Nice?"
"You look beautiful, Nicole."
"Stop."
"Huh?"
"Nothing."
"…"
"I’m gonna miss everything."
"I’m gonna miss you."
"…"
"…"
After what she heard, Nicole stared and wondered at John, while he continues to focus his attention at her.
At two in the afternoon, they were suppose to returned to their office. But John can’t let this moment end right now. Instead he convinced her to go with him in a nearby park and talked about all their happy memories together. From the time they met, to the time they were having problems with their projects, to the time they got promoted as senior project managers, up to the time Nicole decided to go to New York.
The afternoon sun is scorching high and yet they were concentrated with each other’s stories under a shade of a tree in the middle of the park. They kept on finding themselves stuck in the moment, staring at each other then turning their backs in embarrassment as they smiled at themselves. Nicole opens her bag and looks at a picture of her and John. On the other hand, John continues to enjoy every moment that was happening right now. The only thing left to say were his true feelings for her, most of it includes not letting her go. As he search for his own courage, he stares at her and wonders what she really feels for him.
Hours passed and the two were stuck in each other’s warm presence. John looks at his watch and it reads "7:04 PM." He realized that he hasn’t finished anything after having lunch with Nicole. And he was two hours way pass his shift. As for Nicole, she still has her stuff in her office to bring home. They quickly fixed themselves and returned to their office. As they reached their office, John remembered what had supposedly happened next. They were on their way to where he would lose her.
They were on their way to Nicole’s office.
He peeked inside and looked at her as she hurriedly fixes her stuff. He noticed that most of her stuff were already gone. One box remained placed on top of her working table. It has his name on it. He walks to it and looks inside. What he saw inside made him let go some of his tears.
Inside were all of Nicole’s pictures with him.
He picks one from the box and stares at it. In the picture he sees himself beside her. And the picture had an effect on him as if she was staring back at him. Frozen in that picture was her sweet smile. That same smile that kept him smiling on his own.
"Hey," a voice called John.
John turned around and saw Nicole standing at her office doorway.
"I’m sorry to meddle with your stuff." He quickly returned the picture back inside the box.
"No, it’s alright. Actually I was suppose to give those to you but I guess I choose to stash them last. I was planning to leave them at your office door."
"Oh…"
"Are you crying, John?"
Time froze as the two stood in front of each other. John realized that whatever he does, he found it impossible to change the course of his fate. Yesterday is reliving itself and he can’t stop it from happening again. He was given a desperate chance; a day to change everything and yet he knows that he cannot defy his fate with that very limited time. Nicole would be giving him all their pictures and she would be bidding him goodbye. And there was nothing he can do about it but to give in to his own tears.
As for Nicole, she looks at the guy she had adored for the past six year as he cries in front of her. She wanted to believe that those tears were for her. She wanted to hear him tell her how much important is she to him. She wanted to see him stop her from leaving. She wanted this moment to last forever.
But all she got was his tears, no more, no less. And she never heard the things she wished to hear.
"That’s it?"
"Huh?"
"Don’t you have anything to say, John?"
"Ahhh… I’m gonna miss you, Nicole."
"You do understand that I’m leaving for New York tomorrow, and that’s all you can say?"
"Huh?"
"Aaarrggg! You’re hopeless, John!"
"???"
Out of her own frustration, Nicole walks towards John, picks up her box containing all her pictures with him, shoves it to his chest, and turns her back at him.
"After you’re done crying there for no apparent reason, could you do me some favor? Turn the lights off for me, lock the door and jump from the building. You’re smart enough to do that, right?" She stormed out of the room while fighting her own tears from falling.
John grabbed Nicole’s arm and he accidentally drops the box she gave to him. The box fell on the floor and its lid opened. All its contents scattered; their pictures flew to different directions. Nicole tried her best to hide her own tears, while John surrendered to his own. Slowly, he pulls her towards him and embraced her from behind. Finally, he said the words that could change his fate, and that would answer her desperate prayers.
"Please don’t leave, Nicole."
"Damn you, John. How can you be so blind?"
"I’m really sorry."
"I’ve been waiting for you for six years, six long years, John. And all you can say is sorry?"
"I’m not really good at these, Nicole. I’m really scared all these time."
"I just don’t know. I’m leaving tomorrow. You do know how much New York means to me."
"I know. That’s why I somehow think stopping you from leaving would be such a selfish act."
"God, John. For once, could you just stop thinking with your mind and start feeling with your heart…"
Before Nicole could finish her sentence, John turned and looked at her straight to the eye. Under the haziness of his own tears, he desperately mustered all the courage he could build just to find the right words to say to her. This was the perfect moment for him to tell her how much he had loved her all this time. But he just felt I couldn’t do it, and he succumbed to his fear of being rejected.
John had lost his right moment. And he may lose completely the right girl she truly loves.
It took them a couple of minutes to comprehend that everything is hopeless and neither of them would give up. Out of her grave frustration, Nicole suddenly pushed John away, and picked up all the pictures that were scattered on the floor. She placed them in the box, brought them with her as she ran towards the parking lot of their company, and drove away in her car. John remained inside her office, standing clueless.
At past eight in the evening, Nicole was inside her car on her way home. She had with her the box that she was suppose to give to John. She just ignored all of his calls to her mobile phone several times until she decided to forget him completely. She had shut off her phone. She had shut off all communications with him.
She had shut him off her life.
At around 11 in the evening, Nicole can’t place herself to sleep. She visualized in her mind the whole day she had with John. She doesn’t know if she should just forget everything that she had built in her career and just follow her heart for once. Her eyes won’t allow her to sleep. They seem to have minds of their own. All they wanted to do were to cry all night. As for John, he can’t sleep either. His heart won’t allow him. It knows there is still enough time. There is still hope for them.
At around three in the morning, she was still awake, staring blankly at her wall. She remembered the box that she was supposed to give him. She opened it and laid its contents on her bed. Dozens of pictures silently screamed his name. As she gazed to all of their pictures she painfully felt one thing. In all those frozen memories, there was one person that remained constant. There was one person who witnessed how she became the person she is right now. There was one person who experienced with her all those happy moments.
John was there with her all along.
For six years that they were together, Nicole had strings of dates but nothing blossomed into any fancy romance. And in those years, John was the constant guy in her life, the closest she had to intimacy for he was always there lending a helping hand or a shoulder to cry on. How can he be so blind?
As she laid the last picture on his bed, she heard her name being called from outside her house. She went out and what she saw made her completely forget New York.
Outside was John, still in his unclean corporate attire stained with his morning coffee, and speaking his heart’s content.
"Nicole, before you say anything or call the cops, let me speak just once. Inside my heart are my feelings for you. I know you’ll be leaving for New York tomorrow but I guess these feelings would be the heaviest baggage I’m gonna give to you. I want you to hear them. I want you to remember me, Nicole. Please don’t forget me. Since the day I’ve met you, you were the greatest thing that happened in my monotonous, boring life. I tried so hard to stop myself from falling from you. At first I thought it would be easy. But as the years passed, I desperately hoped that just for once, I should have found the courage to ask you out even for a date, just to know what it feels like making you feel how I really feel. I keep on hating myself every time I see you date other guys for I know no one knows you like I do or loves you like I do. I know I’m making an embarrassment of myself right now. But for you, only in front of you, Nicole, that I’m willing to do this for I still cannot comprehend why I haven’t done anything to reach out and take a chance at you. Maybe I was insecure. But now that you’re going to be away without me, that scares me the most. You have been the sole reason why I’ve stayed all this time in our company. But I guess I cannot go on wondering what might have been if you knew how important you are to me. I just have to tell it to you, Nicole, and that moment is now. It has been my constant prayer every night for you to feel the same way for me. I love you, Nicole, and not telling you that is the one thing I fear the most. I want you to know how much you have shaped me, how much you inspired me. I’ll always keep you inside my heart…"
Before John could finish his speech, Nicole kissed him as they finally let go of all their emotions and shared each other’s tears of happiness. She understands now. She secretly loves him, just like the way he secretly adores her. She was also the sole reason why he never accepted any offers given to him from other companies, just like he was the same reason why she stayed in their company all this time. It was also her desperate wish for him to notice her more than the bounds of their working and friendly relationship, just like his constant prayer every night for her to feel the same way for him. And it was also her greatest regret of losing him completely; just like his greatest fear of not telling her how important she is to him.
Their identical prayers were already answered. And they have overcome their greatest fears.
At around five in the morning, with joyous eyes and blissful hearts, John and Nicole finally dozed off to sleep.
* * * * *
June 9, 2006. 5:30 AM. Nicole wakes up from the sound of her alarm clock. For her, another day would only mean three things. John. John. And John. Her life exists beyond the bounds of her career as a senior project manager in an outsourcing company. Friends would mean associates. Family would mean his project team. Success would mean a completed project way beyond the deadline.
But Love would only mean John.
For someone who dreams of a prince charming and believes in happy endings, she lives an idealistic and positive life.
Nicole runs her life by her own beliefs. She never forgets to thank God for every blessing she receives. She loves what she does for a living and she enjoys every minute of it. From the moment she wakes up in the morning until the time she closes her eyes at night, she never misses a prayer. This natural phenomenon happens every single day of her life. But last night proved to be different from the other nights she had. She wasn’t able to sleep at all. All she did all night long was to lie awake and think of everything that supposedly happened yesterday.
After taking a warm bath and changing into her clean corporate attire, she prepares her breakfast. Tuna with toast and orange juice. Just like her life: healthy, sweet, and delicious. It charges her everyday without fail. Since childhood she firmly believes that breakfast is the most important meal of the day for it provides the necessary energy to start a busy day.
At exactly six in the morning, Nicole leaves for work. She knows she should leave at this exact time for the latter she leaves his house, the greater chance that she would be late for work. Traffic in the metropolis is urban hell incarnate. She takes her car and in an hour she arrives at her office just in time.
As she parks her car and walks her way to their office, a sentinel greets her as she swipes her identification card at the entrance of their building. Since joining her company several years ago, she always arrives right on time without fail. If there was a lifetime award for punctuality and perfect attendance, she could be a great contender.
At around eight in the morning, Nicole’s workplace starts to hum to the tune of an automated chaos. Cubicles are flooded with employees encoding data and answering phone calls, while offices are filled with project teams deciphering and completing complicated projects. Amidst the confusion, She stands focus and undisturbed, leading her team to another successful project.
"Well done, team," she tells his team.
"It’s great to be with you, Ma’am," one subordinate replies to her.
"We’ll going to miss you, Ma’am," another flatters her.
"You can return to your respective cubicles now. Good luck with your careers."
As her team returns to their respective cubicles, Nicole looks at his watch. 10:00 AM. At this moment everyday, she takes a break and prepares a coffee and snack in their pantry. She looks from afar John’s office. She wonders what might he be doing. Like her, he’s neither absent nor late for work. She still remembers vividly the time where they were still newly hired in the company six years ago. They used to work in the same team. Due to their impressive performance, they have been both promoted as senior project managers in less than three years.
Her reminiscing was disrupted by an applause from her officemates. She looks at the hallway and sees John, with their boss, being congratulated by other employees.
"Nicole," John calls her from afar.
John runs to her and flashes his sweet smile. From the way his eyes twinkle and his smile widens, Nicole could see that he’s in a state of euphoria. All this time, he still looks superb, still taking her breath away every time she sees him. At five foot and nine inches and armed with those deep-set eyes, dark complexion and well-toned body, he is the most handsome guy Nicole has ever met. He even knows that every girl in their company, even her best friend, wants to date him.
"I can’t believe you, Nicole," he frantically told her.
"Huh? Why?" she asked.
"Someone’s finally going to New York!"
"Whoa? Really? Who…"
Unexpectedly, before Nicole could finish her sentence, John hugged her innocently. For the first time since they’ve met, that was the closest place she ever stood from him. In between his arms.
During that very moment, her mind was torn into two. She was happy that she declined that offer in New York, just to be with John. She felt her body absorbing his joy. She shared with him something they both dream of since starting in the company: that illustrious offer in New York. And yet the other part of her felt a certain fear. What if John took the offer that she had just declined? She knows he was more deserving of that job. Skill-wise, he was far more competent that her. And many people only see her as a beautiful face. Rumors have even spread that she might be sleeping with their boss. And only John was the one who never treated her like some pin-up girl or some corporate slut.
"I’m hungry," John told Nicole.
"So where do you want to order our lunch?"
"The usual."
"Roasted chicken breast with steamed vegetables and coffee crush shake?" She remembers her favorite food in an instant, just like he remembers everything about her.
"You know me too well, Nicole," he replied with a smile.
"So who’s going to New York?"
"I don’t know. Boss is quite busy right now looking for your replacement for New York while I just finished my 50th successful project. Don’t look at me like that coz I don’t have any plans of leaving here."
"Oh really?"
"Yep. I just want to have lunch with you every single day of my life."
"Nice one, John."
"I just want to spend my days with you, Nicole. And I want you to know that."
"…"
As Nicole’s face brightens up, John reaches out and held her hand for the very first time. They smiled at each other as they went back to Nicole’s office to wait for their lunch.
-30-
