Stan stares blankly at the woman infront of him as he hears a familiar voice. He was in a state of ambivalence; he wasn’t sure whether to feel joy or fear.
"Hello, long time no see," the woman infront of him, asked.
"Hi. It’s been ages since I’ve heard from you. ‘Musta na," he replied with a question.
"Nothing much. I was just shopping some stuff and luckily I bumped into you."
"Well, same here."
Time stopped as Stan tried desperately to find the right words to say.
"Jean…"
"Yes?"
"I missed you."
Stan felt the old feeling he had for the girl he was talking to. It was the most surreal feeling of passion he experienced for it had bloomed in the most unusual and unexpected circumstances.
He is still in love with his ex-girlfriend.
"You look… uhmmm, good," Stan tries to start a conversation with Jean.
"Good? What kind of pick-up line is that," Jean responded with a smile.
"I didn’t mean anything wrong…"
"I know. You don’t have to be that defensive. I’m just kidding."
"So what’s keeping you busy?"
"Work. I’m teaching in a little preschool somewhere in Quezon City."
"So you finally got your dream job."
"Yep. I guess so."
"Hey, if it’s not too much to ask, would you like to have coffee?"
"Right now?"
"Uhmmm, yes."
"…"
"…"
"Coffee would be nice."
As the two former lovers stroll lazily at the mall to a nearby coffee shop, they walk with an emotional space between them. Their bodies may only be a reach away from each other but their hearts are miles apart. Both of their minds raced in circles. After years of desperate wondering and searching, Stan found once again the woman she truly loves, while Jean faced once again the man she bitterly left. From time to time, their hands accidentally touches each other as they walk, recreating that familiar sensation that they have longed for years. But neither dared hold the other’s hand.
At the coffee shop, Stan ordered for Jean. He still remembers her favorite warm drink. Just like a rerun of their own love story, they seem to go back from where they had left things. After getting their orders, the two former lovers seem stuck in their respective emotional bubble, both being anxious of breaking the invisible barrier between them. Out of nowhere, they broke that unseen wall with one personal question.
"You seeing someone right now," both of them ask each other at the very same moment.
"…"
"…"
Feeling somehow uncomfortable with the question, both just laugh innocently.
"Ladies first," Stan said to Jean.
"Uhmm, okay. I’m seeing someone right now. His name is Sean and we’ve been together for three years already."
Jean’s response suddenly brought sharp pain to Stan, just like having a dagger pierced to his very own heart. He didn’t realize that after all these years he’ll still be deeply emotionally attached to her, and knowing that she’s committed to someone else still hurts him. Maybe it was also his fault, for seeing her again made him desperately wished that she’s still free and they could bring back what they used to have.
"How about you," Jean returned the question to Stan.
"Huh? Me? Nah. I’m busy doing residency as a doctor, which consumes most of my time."
"Oh really? I bet your dating some cute intern, or perhaps some gorgeous nurse."
"No. I’m really single right now."
"I can’t believe that."
"What made you say that?"
"From how I’ve known you, you’re not the type that doesn’t know how to be single."
"That’s so mean."
"Hahaha!"
Stan was already uncomfortable knowing that Jean’s again involve with someone else, and adding insult to injury to himself, being single made things worse. As he stares at her, he could see that she seem happy and radiant with her life, maybe better than the time she was still with him. He realized that meeting her was like another chance at love, another chance to redeem himself. And this time, he’s pretty damn sure of his feelings for her, and her worth to him. He has no intentions of letting her slip away. Finding the perfect words to say, he unconsciously stares at her while she smiles back.
"Are you gonna sit there and stare at me?"
"Whoa? You were saying something?"
"Are you alright, Stan?"
"Yes. I’m perfectly fine. What else could I ask for?"
"There’s the Stan I knew, with his icy-cool pick-up lines."
"Is that what you only remember of me?"
"Quite defensive, eh? Is there anything else to remember?"
"Do you really mean that?"
"Would you stop being uptight? I’m not insensitive."
"…"
"…"
For the very first time since they broke up, they exchanged warm smiles that completely melted the invisible barrier between them.
The two former lovers talk about each other and shared stories, trying to bridge the gap that their breakup created. Truly, a lot has happened in the past four years, and yet they found themselves laughing at stories when they were still together. They unconsciously realized that they not only miss each other, but more appropriately, they longed for one other.
Hours have already passed and Stan is aware that he’s losing precious time. If there was any right time to open old wounds, Stan decides that it is now the right moment. For him to have Jean back in his life, he must first seek her forgiveness. And her forgiveness is his own salvation.
"Jean, why did you left?"
"…"
"…"
"I have to. I was hurt."
"I’m sorry. I really am. Up to this day, I haven’t forgotten what happened."
"It’s alright. Let’s just forget everything?"
"Everything?"
"Yes, everything."
"Even us?"
"…"
"Please, Jean…"
"Stan, stop."
"I won’t stop. Not this time. The last time I hesitated, I lost the most important woman in my life. I lost you, Jean. Now, I’m damn sure how important you are to me."
"…"
Old wounds have been opened. The pain of Stan and Jean’s past starts to rise from the core of their hearts. It is the same pain that they have eluded all this time. And only in each other could they find the cure to heal themselves.
Stan has already lost Jean. Without her, he found no meaning in his life. He has nothing further to lose this time. One question stands between his grief and relief. With all the courage that he could muster, he reached out for her hand and spoke.
"Do you still love me?"
"…"
"I just wanted to make sure, Jean."
"What for, Stan? We have different lives already."
"Because I still love…"
Before Stan could finish his sentence, Jean interrupted her. She sealed his lips with a finger and smiled.
"It’s time for me to go. Thanks for the coffee. I enjoyed our talk," Jean bid Stan farewell.
"Wait, Jean. Will I see you again?"
"Stan, it would be better if we just let our story remain a closed book."
"Do you still hate me that much?"
"I’ve already forgiven you four years ago. It’s just that it took me also that same amount of time to move on. We both know it was not easy for the both of us."
"You didn’t answer my question, Jean."
"Things have been difficult for us, Stan. Please don’t make it any worse."
"I’ve regretted everything that made you feel that way. And if there’s anything that I could do to pay for my sins…"
"You don’t have to do anything, Stan. Way before we parted, you’ve already given me something that made me value my existence. You loved me and it was the most blissful thing that ever happened to me."
"I still do. I still love you, Jean."
"If only you have meant that four years ago, Stan, things would have been different."
"I know. That’s why how late those words may be, I’m still saying it to you right now, because those words still linger inside me."
"…"
Time stop as Jean heard the words that she had desperately denied all these years. Tears start to form at the corner of her eyes. As she hopelessly fight the emotions inside her, she is torn between giving herself the love that she truly deserve, and giving herself the new life she painstakingly built without Stan. She cannot deny to herself that she still loves him, for she knew that he had done nothing wrong but to love her so much. They were victims of harsh circumstances that pushed her to deliberately leave him without saying goodbye. Their story is still an open book, but as much as she really wanted to continue things the way they left it, a lot have already changed in the past four years. And she cannot continue to be immature or selfish for her decision would not only affect her own life but also another life as well.
As Stan once again reached out for Jean’s hand, Jean has finally decided. Feeling his touch for the very last time, she let go of her tears for him. With grieving eyes she looks at him and finally withdraw her hand from his grasp.
"I’m so sorry, Stan. Please forgive me. Goodbye."
Jean turned his back at the man she loves and walked away, having his heavy heart burdening her footsteps. As for Stan, he mustered all his strength to stop himself from following her and from letting his own tears to fall. He feels that she is still hurting inside and his existence in her life only makes it worse. Somewhere in his heart he hears her soft voice wanting closure from everything. Until the end, he loves her enough to give to her the one thing he dread the most, yet she truly deserve: her freedom.
Finally, after seeing once again the girl she loves, he turned his back and walked away from her, this time for good.
Several paces away from Stan, Jean wiped her tears and met with the new man in her life, Sean. Noticing a tear from her eye, Sean comforted her with a warm embrace. Jean owes her new life to him. He is the sole reason that compelled her to finally let go of Stan for he saved her from her ordeal from her past and gave her life new hope and direction she desperately needed.
She is now in love with Sean.
As they look back at Stan from afar, Jean kissed Sean at the cheek and whispered to him. Innocently, he smiled and waved at Stan.
"Goodbye Papa," Sean said.
Jean stood with Sean as she silently weeps for Stan, the father of her son.
-30-
