canned thoughts

In a peaceful Saturday evening, two lovers celebrate their sixth-year anniversary. Mark and Rachael are soul mates; they knew that from the moment they met each other seven years ago. And being high school sweethearts, they grow fondly of each other as the years strengthen their relationship. Now that both of them are graduating in college this March, Mark thought that it’s time for them to bring their love to the next level.

Tonight was not only their anniversary. It was also Rachael’s 21’s birthday. And Mark has with him the perfect gift for this very special occasion.   

Mark is going to propose to Rachael.

"Did you like dinner, Baby," Mark asked.

"Yes, and thank you very much," Rachael replied.

"It’s been seven years since we’ve met in high school."

"And six years of being happily together."

"Are you really happy with me?"

"Are you?"

"Yes I am."

"Me too."

The streets are now deserted. The two lovers strolled with the stars watching them from the heavens. As they cross the street, Mark knew it is time. He held the ring that he bought in his pocket with one hand and held Rachael’s hand with the other. He stopped walking in the middle of the street and she looked at him in awe.

"Baby, close your eyes."

"What?"

"I got a surprise for you."

"Oh really?"

"Yeah. I still haven’t given my anniversary present for you."

"I thought it was already the great dinner."

"The dinner was for your birthday. I still have my anniversary gift for you."

This was the perfect moment Mark was waiting. He knows deep in his heart that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with Rachael. As she closed her eyes, he took the ring from his pocket and looked at the stars. He could not asked anything more in his life right now for all he ever wanted was the girl right in front of him. He even whispered a short prayer of gratitude to the heavens.

"Open your eyes," Mark whispered.

"…"

"Happy anniversary, Baby."

"…"

"Baby, there hasn’t been any woman in my life who had touched my soul like you do. I love you so much and I intend to continue loving you ’til the day I die. Will you marry me?"

"Oh Mark. I love you too," Rachael answered in joyous tears.

It is written in the stars, they are destined to be together.

But sometimes Fate has a bizarre sense of humor.

As the two lovers hugged each other in celebration, Rachael accidentally dropped the ring and it fell and rolled onto the pavement. She quickly ran to pick it up when a car came from nowhere and hit her, broke her body, and killed her instantly. Mark saw everything. There was nothing he was able to do for he froze and stood there, as the girl he adores died right in front of his very eyes.

* * * * *

A year has passed since Mark lost Rachael in a car accident. For him, she wasn’t the only one who died that night. She brought with her to the grave all the love and dreams they have shared. With her death, his life ceased to exist.

There wasn’t a day where in Mark didn’t visited Rachael’s grave. He always brings there a kite that they used to fly there, for every time he steered it to the sky, he calls to her from the heaven. With its string he feels her loving presence. And he’ll continue to hold onto that string for he cannot find himself letting her go from his heart. He kept on living on the delusion that she’s still with him. And that delusion was his most desperate prayer.

He didn’t know that his desperate prayer is going to be answered in the most surreal way.

Like a dying candle, Mark let his own depression eat away his life, succumbing to the false comfort of alcohol. He started to live his life in drunken pity. He even contemplated on following Rachael to the grave.

Mark has become suicidal.

Wasted from another drinking session, he decided to pass by the street where he lost Rachael. He remembered his life with her. He also remembered how happy they were, and how they planned to spend their lives together.    

He decided to fulfill that plan. He shall be with Rachael no matter what happens.

Seeing from afar headlights of another car, Mark stepped on the accelerator, placing it into full throttle and drove straight to his target in a charging madness. Tears started to fall as everything happened on that fateful night flashed vividly in his mind.

Soon, he will be with her once again.

Only a few feet away from his target, he saw someone that made him step on the brakes of his car.

He saw Rachael.

Within a split of a second, Mark steered his car away from Rachael while in full speed. And everything was followed by a deafening crash.

* * * * *

"Mark…"

"It’s not yet time…"

"Never let go…"

"I’ll be waiting for you…"

"Wake up…"

Mark slowly opened his eyes. The lights were blurring his vision. But his hearing was perfectly fine. He heard a familiar voice that woke him from his deep slumber. And he tried to see where was the voice coming from.

"Rachael," he called.

"Hello," a voice answered.

Coming back to his senses, Mark realized that he was in a hospital room. He also realized that parts of his body were aching. He touched his forehead and felt bandages covering it.

"Are you alright," a voice asked him.

Beside his bed, he didn’t saw Rachael but a girl less than half his age was staring at him.

"Where am I," he asked.

"You’re in the hospital," the girl answered.

"What am I doing here?"

"You got a nasty wound right on your forehead, I guess."

"Oh…"

"Does it hurt?"

"Just a little."

"And who are you?"

"…"

The little girl smiled at him and told her name.

"I’m Rachael."

Mark can’t help but to stare at her while she smiled in return.

Mark recovered from the accident. He then found out that young Rachael was the one who saved her from the accident. She was the one whom he saw in the middle of the street. She was the one who prevented him from crashing into another car, which could have ensured his own death.

Realizing that she shares the same name with the girl he loves, he found the situation quite confusing. He knew for himself that he saw his Rachael that night. She was supposedly the one who save him from crashing into his own demise. And yet he’s confronted with another "Rachael" that supposedly rescued him from his mishap.

In his search for explanations to his ordeal, questions arose from other questions. Mark intends to know the truth. He spends most of his time with young Rachael, trying to unravel the mystery behind her. But the more he does, the more he’s faced with the bitter truth of Rachael’s death. 

Mark found himself slowly drawn to young Rachael. He cannot understand what he feels every time he’s with her. He knows clearly that she’s not the girl he loves and yet something draws him to be with her as if he’s heart longs her presence. He noticed that she shares almost all characteristics with the Rachael he knew and loved. Every look, every word, and every move she does silently screams of his late, beloved one. It made things more confusing for him.

He was in a surreal dream, with the fate playing a nasty joke on his heart and senses. He once again relived Rachael in his heart while young Rachael by his side. His love for her started to twist his own reality by feeling emotionally attached to a girl half his age.

* * * * *

One afternoon, Mark met young Rachael after her class.

"Who is that guy walking towards us, Rachael," her friend asked.

"Mark," Rachael answered.

"Is he the one who you saved from the accident?"

"Yep."

"He’s cute," another friend asked with a curious smile.

"I dunno," she answered with a blush.

"You’re blushing Rachael!"

"No I’m not!"

"Yes you are!"

"Is he your boyfriend?"

"Shut up!"

"You’re blushing again!"

"No I’m not."

"You’re going on a date, ain’t ya?"

"I’m not. Would you please shut up!"

When Mark came, the girls giggled and looked at him with curious eyes.

"Shall we," Matt asked young Rachael.

"You’re right. He’s hot. And he got cute dimples to go with those cute eyes," Rachael’s friend said.

"Shhhh! Will you shut up," Rachael replied.

"Introduce us to your boyfriend," her friend whispered.

"Shut up he’s not my boyfriend."

"Hi Mark! We’re Rachael’s friends," the girls spoke in chorus.

"Nice to meet you girls."

And they all giggled as the two went their way.

After treating young Rachael to an ice cream parlor, Mark noticed how tired he was from unraveling the mystery behind the two Rachaels. He also noticed how his life ceased to continue with Rachael’s death. He realized that he still have his life to live and dreams to rebuild. With young Rachael by his side, he had somehow found a new inspiration to live. He even believed that she is lucky to still have that innocence that still protects her from suffering due to a lost love.

He realized that he was greatly thankful to her, not only because she saved him from Death but also from a life that was stuck in a moment. It was time for him to fully accept hid reality. It was time to stop figuring out why Rachael has to die and leave him. It was time for him to stop watching his emotional television with their love story playing over and over again. It was time to throw away all the old memories with her, good or bad, so that he could make new ones. It was time for him to stop living who he was and start living who he is.
 
After all, there was a time where he existed without Rachael, the time before they met. He just has to do the same, exist, now that she’s gone forever.

* * * * *

"Where are we," young Rachael asked.

"The cemetery," Mark replied.

"This place gives me the creeps."

"Don’t worry. I won’t leave your side."

Mark held Rachael’s hand and they exchange smiles.

"What are we doing here?"

"We’re just visiting an old friend."

"Is she the one buried there?"

"Yep."

Trying to wake himself up from his surreal dream, Mark brought young Rachael in front of Rachael’s grave. As he looks at Rachael’s grave while holding young Rachael’s hand, he slowly let reality sink to him. One tear escaped his eyes and he tried very hard to smile. The solitude of the cemetery created such grieving atmosphere, with the afternoon wind caressing the trees as if they were mourning with him. There was nothing he could further do but to whisper a prayer to his late beloved one.

"Have you ever flown a kite," Mark asked young Rachael.

"Not yet."

"I’ll show you."

Mark brought out a kite from his bag. Tears started to form at the corner of his eyes as he assembled it in front of young Rachael. As his kite flew high in the sky, he let young Rachael hold onto its string. He guided her in navigating it through the afternoon wind. He remembered vividly the first time he flew that kite with Rachael. Every moment they flew that same kite was his happiest moments for it represented their love for each other. As they steered it through the rough winds, they held on to its string as it reaches for the sky. Just like their love for each other, no wind can take away their kite for they continue to hold onto its string as they hold on to each other’s heart forever.

In the solitude of the cemetery, Mark flew his kite for the last time. And maybe it’s also time for him to let go of the string that bind him to Rachael. It’s time for him to finally bid her goodbye.

As he almost let go of his kite, young Rachael asked him one question that caught him off-guard.

"Do you still love her?"

"What?"

"I said do you still love her?"

"…"

"You shouldn’t be sad."

"I’m not."

"Yes you are."

"And why shouldn’t I be sad?"

"She still loves you."

"Pardon?"

"…"

"What did you said?"

"…"

"…"

"Never let go of that kite, Mark."

"What?"

"Never let go of me."

"What did you said?"

"I still love you Mark, and I’ll always will."

Mark stood breathless by what he just heard. He turned and looked at the person beside her, the one whose hand he was holding. Instead of seeing young Rachael, he saw the one person he was trying to say goodbye to. 

He saw Rachael.

For several minutes, he just stood there blankly in front of her. And finally he was able to bring himself back to consciousness.

"Am I dreaming," Mark whispered.

"I’ve been waiting for you, Mark," Rachael answered.

"I’ve missed you so much."

Mark embraced Rachael with no intentions of losing her again. Just like their kite, he has no intentions of let go if it to the sky. His tears flowed once again, as he felt happy and alive once more.

"I’m not going to let you go this time," he spoke with tears rushing from his eyes.

"We’re together once again. And we’ll be together forever," she answered him in joyous tears.

It is written in the stars, they are destined to be together.

Fate truly has a bizarre sense of humor.

* * * * *

After spending their reunion in joy-filled tears, Rachael showed Mark his true reality. 

"It’s time," Rachael said.

"Time for what," Mark replied with a question.

"You’ve been staying here for too long."

"I don’t understand."

"We have to go now."

"Go where?"

"Up there. To where our kite’s going."

Mark finally understood everything. Rachael wasn’t the one who left him. It was him that stayed behind. His reality wasn’t to forget her and move on with his life, for his life was with her all along. He must now fulfill his destiny. He must be with her forever.

Before leaving, he turned around and walked to young Rachael. 

"Thank you for being with me. If not for you, I could have let go of everything and I would never have found my way back to Rachael. I wish that you’ll also find your own kite and you’ll be strong to hold on it as you way to your heart, when the right time comes. Farewell, Rachael. "

He hugged the young girl and kissed her on the cheeks.

Young Rachael stood there as she watched the two lovers leave. She just saw something she cannot fully comprehend and yet she felt it was something so great that even she cannot stop herself from letting go some of her tears. She felt ambivalent; she is happy for Mark and Rachael and yet she is sad, now that Mark’s gone. Her young heart tried to figure out what happened between Mark and her, and why she’s feeling such lost. One huge question seemed to great her to answer:

Did she "fell in love" with Mark?

After all, how could a 13-year old understand what "love" is? 

For the short time young Rachael was with Mark, she had witnessed how he had yearned for Rachael. She saw how he tried desperately to give up his life just to be with her. She heard all his prayers and mourning as he desperately clings to all his memories with her. And she felt that his love for her was both his suffering and salvation.

Rachael was Mark’s sweetest pain.

The love she saw was beyond anything she have seen on movies or television, or anything she have read on books and magazines, or anything she have talked about with her friends. She learned that love isn’t just all about staying together. It’s also about sacrifices. Love isn’t just all about being engage and getting married. It’s also about enduring trials and holding on to memories. And love isn’t just all about happy endings. It’s also about sad beginnings. 

In her hand, Rachael held the string to Mark’s kite. She can’t seem to see the kite in the sky for it was quite far away from her sight. But she knew it was still there, flying in the heaven, for she can still feel its string in her hand. She somehow knew that love is like flying a kite. She may steer it to the heaven until she can’t be able to see it with her naked eyes and yet she still holds on to the string that binds her to it, never completely letting it go. This was Mark’s love for Rachael, and it is also young Rachael’s love for Mark.

After all, a 13-year old may not completely understand "love," but young Rachael can surely experience it.

In a very young age, young Rachael had already experienced true love. It was just too late, now that Mark’s gone, that she found the courage to admit to herself that she definitely loves him.

* * * * *

Several years have passed since Mark left, young Rachael had grew into a woman since. For her, he is her first love, and perhaps also her last romance. He brought with him to heaven all the love and dreams that they could have shared. With his departure, her life ceased to exist.

There wasn’t a day where Rachael didn’t visit the cemetery where she last saw Mark. She always flew Mark’s kite there, for every time she steered it to the sky, she calls to him from the heaven. With its string she feels his loving presence. And she’ll continue to hold onto that string for she cannot find herself letting him go from her heart. In her mind, she endlessly relives the moment where he hugged and kissed her for the first and last time. She found herself thinking about him every moment of her life. She kept on living on the delusion that he’s still with her. And that delusion was her most desperate prayer. 

She didn’t know that her desperate prayer is going to be answered in the most surreal way.

Like a dying candle, Rachael hopelessly dreams that she would once again be with Mark. She kept herself away from the world while she waits for his impossible return. She lived her life inside an emotional bubble. She even contemplated on following him to the grave.

Rachael has become suicidal.

Lost from her own dreams, she decided to passed by the street where she first saw and saved Mark. She remembered her life with him. She also remembered how happy she was with him, and how she wanted to spend their lives together.    

She decided to fulfill that plan. She shall be with Mark no matter what happens.

Seeing from afar headlights of a car, Rachael walked towards the middle of the street. Tears started to fall as everything that happened on that fateful night flashed vividly in her mind.

Soon, she will be with him once more.

Only a few feet away from her death, she waits for the moment where she would see the man she was in love with.

But Mark was nowhere to be seen. 

Within a split of a second, Rachael closed her eyes and everything was followed by a deafening crash.

* * * * *

"Rachael…"

"It’s not yet your time…"

"You must live…"

"Wake up…"

Rachael slowly opened her eyes. The lights were blurring her vision. But her hearing was perfectly fine. She heard a familiar voice that woke her from her sleep. And she tried to see where was the voice coming from.

"Mark," she called.

"Hello," a voice answered.

Coming back to her senses, Rachael realized that she was in a hospital room. She also realized that parts of her body were aching. She touched her forehead and felt bandages covering it.

"Are you alright," a voice asked Rachael.

Beside his bed, Rachael didn’t saw Mark but just a guy her age was staring at her.

"Where am I," Rachael asked.

"You’re in the hospital," the guy answered.

"What am I doing here?"

"You got a nasty wound right on your forehead, I guess."

"Oh…"

"Does it hurt?"

"Just a little."

"And who are you?"

"…"

The guy smiled at her and told his name.

"I’m Mark."

Rachael can’t help but to smile at him while he stared in return.

-30-

Stan stares blankly at the wall of his room as he hears a familiar voice. He was in a state of ambivalence; he wasn’t sure whether to feel joy or fear.

"Hello? You still there," the voice from his mobile phone asked.

"Yes. It’s been ages since I’ve heard from you. ‘Musta na," he replied with a question.

"Nothing much. I just wanna congratulate you for passing med school. Saw it somewhere in Friendster."

"Well, thanks."

Time stopped as Stan tried desperately to find the right words to say.

"Jean…"

"Yes?"

"I missed you."

Stan felt the old feeling he had for the girl he was talking on the phone. It was the most surreal feeling of passion he experienced for it had bloomed in the most unusual and unexpected circumstances.

He fell in love with his best friend’s girlfriend.

* * * * *

"Dude, believe me, this girl is tha bomb! Fuck, she got the most glorious body I’ve seen. Too bad I got to her first," Chris bragged.

"Shut up and finish your beer," Stan answered.

"But dude, you gotta admit. I know when it comes to women; you’re the go-to guy. You’re the god. But this time, I’m the man!"

"Yeah, yeah. You’re the man this time."

"And dude, I’m telling you. Jean knows how to use her tongue. Fuck, her tongue can do wonders, man."

"And what did you do, inhaled, cursed, and shriveled in ecstasy?"

"Hahahahahah!"

Stan and Chris are friends since they grade school. They treat each other more than brothers. But when it comes to girls, they are rivals. Sharing almost identical taste for women, they collect, select and reject women as fast as consuming their round of beer.

But didn’t they know thing’s would become more personal when Jean came along.

At first glance, Jean fits perfectly as Stan and Chris’ usual fair game. Gorgeous eyes. Delicious lips. Round and firm breasts and ass. Slim figure. Just like those beautiful Japanese and Korean actresses in telenovelas. Lucky for Chris, he met her first. And as a good friend, Stan treated her with utmost respect.

But being a good friend also has its limitations.

* * * * *

"Dude, last night was so fucked-up. I stayed at Jean’s place. And the funny thing was, I fucked her in her room, which was just next to her parents’ and they didn’t found out a thing," Chris elaborated.

"Here we go again," Stan muttered.

"She was screaming my name like hell and she washed her face with my cum and it was so fuckin’ hilarious, Bro."

"Don’t you have anything else to do that screw Jean 27/7."

"Why dude? What’s with the attitude? You and you’re girl having some rough time?"

"Fuck you."

"No dude. You’re the one who needs a great fucking."

"Shut up."

"So did Hazel dumped you again for some Chinese guy?"

"Leave me alone."

"Wanna try Jean?"

"?"

"I know you’d like a piece of that gorgeous meat…"

"You’re just drunk."

"And you’re fuckin’ sexually depraved.."

"…"

"C’mon. I’ll let you have her. Just don’t forget to record everything on cam."

"You’re sick."

"And I can see you’re gonna bite my offer, you horny bastard. Hehehehe. There’s no way in hell I’m gonna let you taste my girl."

* * * * *

Months passed and Chris and Jean’s relationship became no more than a seminal routine. He would always insisted of having sex with her in the most public places in the most untimely hours. He bargained for sex in exchange of his love, making Jean no more than an object of his sexual desire.

"Not here, Chris…"

"C’mon. No one’s looking. Everyone’s busy watching And I’m quite horny, baby."

He started kissing her by the neck, inhaling her sweet perfume while leaving a mark of his own. His tongue send shivers down her core.

"Please, Chris. We’re at the movies. Someone might caught us," Jean pleaded.

"Shhhh…," Chris replied.

His hands started to caress her breasts while nibbling naughtily her ear.

"No, Chris… please."

He started to unbutton her blouse. He cupped her breast and gently pinched her nipple. She gave out a soft moan.

"Ahhhh… no, Chris."

"Shhhh…"

"Ahhhh…"

He lowered his kissed down her breasts. As his hand dug deeper; he raised her skirt and reached for the heaven between her legs.

She was breathing rapidly. He heart was racing. And the sensation between her legs send her into a delirium.

"Ahhhh…"

"Shhhh…, you like this, baby?"

He taunted her in his whispers.

All she could do was answer in her whimpers.

"…"

"I can’t hear you, baby."

"…uhmmm, yeah."

"What, baby?"

"Yes baby. I like it when you touch me down there."

And Chris got away with his carnal act without even remembering a single scene in the movie that they were suppose to be watching.

As his vicious routine went, Chris gradually lost interest over Jean. He started dating other girls, sweet-talking his way inside their skirts. As for her, she didn’t have the slightest idea that he was cheating on her. All she knew and believed in was that she loved him with all her life and that she has given him everything she had.

* * * * *

In a usual Saturday nightout, Stan did something that he never though he could do. He did an unusually noble thing.

"Shiela, this is Stan, my best buddy. Stan, this is Shiela, my girlfriend," Chris gave out introductions to the two.

"Hello," and Shiela kissed Stan on the cheek.

"Hi Shiela. Chris, could I talk to you for a moment," Stan replied.

Far enough from Shiela’s ears, Stan talked to Chris.

"What the fuck was that, Chris?!"

"What’s your problem?"

"Your girlfriend? The last time I checked, Jean was your girl. And now here’s Shiela," Stan asked Chris.

"Fuck, bro. Don’t act as if you don’t know how we do things. You know sooner or later I’m gonna leave that broad. Don’t tell me you didn’t expected me to do that."

"Just like that? The girl loves you so much."

"If you’re too concern with Jean, why don’t you take care of her? Fuck you; I know you have the hots for my girl. Now is your chance. She’s all yours."

And Chris threw to Stan his key to Jean’s flat.

"Oh no, Chris. Don’t be such a jerk."

Chris turned his back to Stan and walked to Shiela.

"Fuck you Chris," Stan shouted.

Chris replied with the finger.

Stan stood alone, confused, while Chris walked away with Shiela, his new fair game. Shiela looked familiar, like someone he dated or fucked in the past. Somewhere in the back of his mind he had already saw her elsewhere. He wasn’t quite sure.

But there were more important things that were swimming in his mind.

In Stan’s hand was a key to Jean’s flat, the only thing that defined and bound Chris and Jean’s relationship. He doesn’t know whether it would be appropriate for him to see Jean, lest appropriate for him to tell her the truth. After all, they are good friends and he also felt guilty on how Chris had treated her. But in the back of his mind, he wasn’t sure whether comforting her was the right thing to do.

He needed to see her to be certain of himself.

* * * * *

In a cloudy afternoon, Stan found out for himself the answers to his questions.

"Jean…"

"Why, Stan? Why did your friend left me?"

"I’m sorry."

"Why Stan? Didn’t I gave everything to him?"

"It’s not like that, believe me."

"Wasn’t I beautiful enough?"

"I’m really sorry, Jean."

"Am I that worthless, Stan? Am I that easy to replace?"

"No Jean."

"Don’t I deserve to be loved?"

"Stop it Jean."

"Does nobody cares for me?"

"…"

"…"

"I do."

All that Stan was hearing were cries of a broken heart, which belongs to someone dear to him. Every sob were daggers that was piercing his soul. And it took one of his tears for him to see clearly, for him to be sure of himself. He realized that he couldn’t stand it anymore. He couldn’t let Jean continue to drown herself in tears for a guy who had never loved her as much as she had loved him. He knows he must do something to save her from all the pain that she’s in. And he knew must be done.

As the rain fell from the sad sky, he turned to her and kissed her with all his heart.

Time stopped as if nothing else mattered. At that very moment, Jean felt that Stan’s kiss was the most blissful thing that happened to her since Chris cheated on her. And Stan felt that he had loved her all these time.

"You sure about this," Stan asked Jean.

"Uhuh."

"Jean…"

"Yes?"

"I love you."

In the solitude of her room, they shared each other’s heart and soul. Every kiss was raindrops falling endlessly from the sky. Every touch was a dance of their spirits. Every moment was memories written in the stars.

It was an experience they have encountered for the first time and yet both felt they had been together for so long. She felt that for the first time in her life, giving her self to a guy made her felt more important that more neglected; more loved than more used; more pure than more corrupted. As for him, he felt that his waiting is over; the person who was destined for him is just right in front of him.

Their kiss ignited their bodies into a sensual frenzy. Their hands caressed each other, touching the right places and sending each other into heaven. He traveled in her body: from her lips, to her ears, nape, neck, to her well-rounded breasts, down to her bellybutton, to her pubic mound and lastly to her womanhood. Every kiss sent jolts of sexual impulses all over her body. Every soft nibble made her gave out glorious moans. And every thrust of his manhood inside her made them feel that they are one, both in body and in spirit.

For hours they both wandered each other’s bodies, shared every moment without anything in mind. In an endless waltz their souls danced to the tune of their heartbeats in one blissful rhythm. Both wished that this moment would last forever.

"Stan…"

"Yes Jean?"

"Thank you."

"For what?"

"For everything. Thank you for making me feel that I’m worth something."

"You know I’ve been waiting for this all my life."

"I hope you could still spare your remaining lifetime with me."

"That’s what I intend to do."

"Promise me you would never leave me."

"I promise."

The following weeks were heaven for Stan and Jean. For once, they learned what love truly is. They shared every moment as if it was their last. Life has become blissful for the two. They were like living in a dream so true that they rather not sleep for reality is far better that their own dreams.

If only their love story could have ended on that so-called dream. 

* * * * *

One night, Stan and Jean were supposed to meet for a date. While waiting for her at their meeting place, he saw his former best friend.

"What are you doing here," Stan asked Chris.

"Taking back what is mine," Chris answered.

"What’s yours? What happened to Shiela?"

"It’s none of your damn business."

"This isn’t how it works, Bro. You don’t say you love a girl to get her to bed then leave her afterwards."

"Don’t call me Bro coz you ain’t my brother. Look who’s talking? So you’re the good guy now? Good guys don’t screw their best friends’ girlfriends behind their backs."

"You’ve hurt Jean more than you can do in ten lifetimes. So would you just leave us alone?"

"What made you think you’re better than me?"

"I gave Jean something that you can never give."

"So what’s that, wise guy?"

"I love her. And I respect her."

"You respect her? Doesn’t she know that you have a long-time desire for her," Chris suddenly asked.

"You know that I’ve respected her when you two were still together," Stan answered.

"You did not answer my question, Stan."

"You were the one who mistreated her so don’t accuse me of your own sins!"

"You lusted her way before you learned to love her!"

"You pretended to love her but all you did was fuck her and now you’re gonna do it all over again!"

"Isn’t that what you also intend to do, fuck her to kingdomcome? What made her different from the other girls you fucked before?"   

"She gave me something you can never have."

"You think she loves you? What gave you that delusion?"

"I…"

From nowhere, Jean interrupted them. Both froze while the ghost of their friendship haunted them right their very eyes.

"Stop it! Both of you."

Her right hand flew swiftly and landed hard on Chris’ face.

"I’ve been wanting to do that since the day I’ve found out that you only used me, jerk. I’ve been so dumb to fall for you. I never did anything for you to treat me this way, Chris. And now you’re saying you’re taking me back? What in God’s name made you think you can do that to me? You deserve no one, you filth!"

And her left hand flew right in front of Stan’s face leaving a bright red mark.

"And you, of all people! You’re the one who picked me up when your friend here threw me like garbage. I never expected you to treat me the same way. I thought you were better. I thought you are not like that filth. I even thought you loved me. But I was wrong! I was so damn stupid to fall for the same trick twice!"

She turned her back and ran away from the two guys whom she loved so much but had hurt her in return.

"Jean, wait," Stan shouted as he raced to Jean.

"…"

"Let me explain!"

"…"

"Please, Jean!"

"Leave me alone!"

"Jean!"

"…"

"I love you!!!"

Jean stopped from running and looked behind her. She stared at Stan and let her tears fall. Then she kissed her, just like she meant it. If only their kiss would heal every wound she have and would take all the pain away.

But this time, their kiss was only a kiss, no more, no less.

"Is this what you want," she screamed at him as she pushed herself away from him.

"Please, Jean. You know I’m different from Chris. I never tricked you," he tried to reason out.

"Why you, Stan? I loved you! More than I loved Chris! I gave you the remaining love I was able to muster after what your friend did to me."

"Don’t believe him. He’s just messing with your mind."

"Do you really love me, Stan?"

"You know the answer to that, Jean."

"I’m asking you, damn it! Do you love me?"

"You know I do."

"…"

"…"

"Oh shit, Stan. How could you do this to me! You’re not even sure whether you really love me!"

"I love you, Jean."

"I only asked you once, on the moment that really mattered the most but you have failed, Stan. You can’t even convince yourself of your own lie."

"Please, Jean. Stop it."

"Now you stop it. Stop pretending to love me and stop existing in my damn life!"

Stan watched helplessly as the girl she loved left her for good. He didn’t understand what had just happened. All he knew was he really loved Jean. But after seeing that she had just threw everything away for reasons beyond his grasp, he was not sure what he really felt for her.

He wasn’t even sure of what love is.

Months passed before everything returned to normal. But for Stan, life won’t be normal again after what happened. Life without love isn’t normal at all. He had completely lost two important people in his life.

He even found out why Chris returned to Jean. Shiela, Chris’ girlfriend, dumped him for no apparent reason, identical to what Chris did to Jean. But that was irrelevant for him. He had already lost her.

After falsely accepting that it was his fault why she left, Stan was convinced that he’d have to continue his life without loving Jean or anyone else.

Love is futile indeed.

* * * * *

Stan stares blankly at the wall of his room as he hears a familiar voice. He was in a state of ambivalence; he wasn’t sure whether to feel joy or fear.

"Hello, you still there," the voice from his mobile phone asked.

"Yes. It’s been ages since I’ve heard from you. ‘Musta na," Stan replied with a question.

"Nothing much. I just wanna congratulate you for passing med school. Saw it somewhere in Friendster."

"Well, thanks."

Time stopped as Stan tried to find the right words to say.

"Jean…"

"Yes?"

"I missed you."

Stan felt the old feeling he had for the girl she was talking on the phone. It was the most surreal feeling of passion he experienced for it had bloomed in the most unusual and unexpected circumstances.

He fell in love with his best friend’s girlfriend.

Everything flashed back in his mind. From the time he and Chris were still best friends, the time when Chris introduced Jean to him as his girlfriend, the time when Chris left Jean for Shiela, the time when he comforted Jean and kissed her in the rain, till the time Jean left her. Then he realized one thing. He can’t save himself from his own tears.

After all this time, how hard he may had tried to stop himself, he really love Jean. But he also found out in himself that it was too late. His failure to fight for that love had caused him to lose her forever.

All he was able to do was cry painfully as he awaits her response on the receiver of the phone.

On the other end, Jean stares blankly at the person in front of her as she hears a familiar voice. She was in a state of regret; she was sure she did one grave mistake.

She knew all along how Stan and Chris treated girls. She knew all along that Chris never loved her and that he was just another meantime girl in his list. She knew all along that he was cheating on her when they were still together.

Unfortunately she also knew all along how Stan truly loved her for she felt it for herself.

Her own tears started to fall as she realized all these things. Hatred started to control her once again; the same hatred that drove her to this game, the same hatred that allowed her to be as evil as them, and the same hatred that let her give up the love she had dream for.

Now, she didn’t hated Chris or Stan. She only hated herself.

Jean turned off her mobile phone and turned her back to the person in front of her.

"Stop crying," the person in front of her said.

"I’ll cry if I want to," Jean replied.

"Men are all the same, you know that very well."

"It’s over."

"I owe you everything. We’re both vindicated."

"Please leave. I wanna be alone."

"Okay. Thanks for everything, Sis."

Shiela left Jean, her sister as Jean drowns herself in tears for a guy whom Shiela believed doesn’t deserve any affection. As she walks away from her, she took her mirror from her bag and looked at herself. Gorgeous eyes. Delicious lips. Round and firm breasts and ass. Slim figure. Just like those beautiful Japanese and Korean actresses in telenovelas. Then she tried to smile as one tear escaped from her eyes. She may look even more beautiful than before outside. But inside, the pain she’d kept had consumed her real beauty.

She doesn’t understand what Jean feels for Stan for she only understood one thing.

She was Stan’s first fair game. And she had just returned the favor.

-30-

It was a gloomy Friday afternoon. Thick clouds hovered the horizon. Michael felt it would be raining soon. He was meeting with his girlfriend, Anne, in their spot in the college open field. Today was the 13th; a day believed by some to be unlucky. But for him, it was special.

Today was their second-year anniversary.

He looked at his watch. The short hand was in the number six while the long hand had just reached the number 12. Anne should have arrived by now.

A few minutes later, as he was looking at his watch for the nth time, he saw her from afar. He then stood up from the concrete bench he was sitting and quickly gave the dozen white roses he bought for her.

"Happy anniversary," Michael greeted Anne.

"We need to talk," she replied.

He didn’t remember how everything started. He couldn’t even remember most of the things Anne had said. But there were few words that he remembered. And those few words opened his eyes for his tears to flow.

"I love you Michael. And I know you also loved me. It’s just that for the past several weeks, everything we had seemed to fade. We don’t see each other that much like how we used to. You are too occupied with a lot of things, except me. I’m tired of being alone and always waiting for you. I’m sorry…"

Suddenly, just like his tears, rain poured down from the heavens.

Michael watched helplessly as Anne leave. As she vanished into the horizon, he stares into oblivion, with both the rain and tears washed away all the things they built and believed in, and all the dreams and memories they shared.

He was alone now. The hours passed liked eternity. All he did was desperately begged to the heavens for a miracle. All he saw was a lone star that desperately glimmered amidst the dark sky and the heavy rain.   

* * * * *

"Hey," a voice called Michael.

"…"

"Are you alright?"

"…"

"Do you always enjoy getting soaked in the rain?"

"…"

"Are you planning to get sick? ‘Coz if you do, I’ll bet you’ll be successful in getting yourself at least a cold, or a pneumonia or something."

"Oh I get it. You’re deaf," and the stranger gave a quick, sardonic smile.

"I don’t talk to strangers," Michael answered.

"Me neither. By the way, I’m Michelle. Now you know my name and I’m not a stranger to you anymore. Does Mr. Wetpants have a name," she retorted.

"Michael."

The heavens suddenly stopped grieving for him. The night sky suddenly became clear and stars twinkled in a silent tune.

But his lone star was nowhere to be found.

For a month, Michael never talked to anyone except to Michelle. She has been with him since the night Anne ended their two-year relationship. If love colors life in bright hues, his life had turned from rainbow to black and white. For two years he lived a colorful and meaningful life with Anne. With her departure, she took her love with her; all its colors and meaning it had offered.

And yet, streaks of life’s color made him survive, thanks to Michelle’s persistence. And for a month without Anne, she was the only colorful spot that kept on smudging his colorless life.

"C’mon, cheer up," Michelle said to Michael. 

"Stop it," he answered.

"You missed her?"

"I said stop it."

"I will if you’ll smile."

"Stop it."

"You still love her?"

"What do you want from me?"

"I just want you to smile, that’s all."

"Asking about her will never make me smile."

"So what would make you smile?"

"…"

Out of nowhere, Michelle kissed Michael at his left cheek.

And they looked at each other’s eyes and smiled.

Two months have passed since Michael and Anne broke up. And also two months have passed since Michael met Michelle. And with Michelle’s help, he had not only moved on from all the pain but also saw himself slowly falling for her.

"So Michelle, you know a lot of things about me since we’ve met but I only know little about you. You’re unfair," he said.

"So what do you want to know," she asked.

"Everything about you."

"Okay. I’m gorgeous, I like staring at the stars and I’m a hopeless romantic. Actually, we share a lot of things in common. I’m also workaholic, and I’ve also been through a painful break-up recently."

"Except for the "gorgeous" part, I think everything’s true."

"You’re so mean."

And she pinched him by the arm and they laughed at each other.

"I never thought that you were also hurting inside. You seemed so happy with your life. Actually, your optimism is rubbing into me quite well. Sometimes I feel I’m going nuts because I can’t get enough of the laughter you’re giving me," he explained.

"So I’m your clown and your shrink then," she said.

"But seriously, thank you Michelle. Thank you for everything. You were there right after Anne and I broke up. And since then, you were always with me, cheering me up. I’m really grateful."

"It’s nothing. It’s just I don’t want to see you cry."

"Really?"

"And besides, there’s still hope for you and Anne. You just have to win her back."

"I’ve already accepted the fact that Anne and I are history. At first, I tried to hate her for what she did but as I contemplated on what happened between us, I think it’s better for us to go on separate ways."

"You are willing to let true love wither and die just like that? Could you live the rest of your life regretting what might have been between the two of you? Could you really just deny easily the fact that both of you still love each other?"

"I don’t love her anymore."

"Do you? Or you’re just trying so hard to convince yourself that you shouldn’t love her because she had hurt you." 

"Doesn’t it matter to you if Anne still loves you?"

"I’ve already fallen for someone else."

"So who’s the lucky girl?"

"You."

It was the third month since Michael met Michelle in one rainy Friday night. He realized that she have become more than a friend to him. She was someone who stood with him in the darkest moment of his life. She was someone who never left his side through all the pain he was going through. And she was someone who barely knew him and yet he felt she knew her more than he knew himself.

If only he knew the real her…

The days passed by and his feelings for her grew. He felt that every tear, every laughter, and every moment spent with her was a blessing; a bliss. He even thought that she was sent by the heavens as an answer to his prayers. He was sure of one thing.

She is his soul mate.   

If only he knew the truth…

On the fourth month that Michael met Michelle, he decided that he was ready to love again. And she will once again complete his life; her love will give colors to his life. He was only waiting for the right moment to express his feelings.

But things suddenly changed. He saw less of her. He thought that there was a problem. Did he said something wrong? Was she in love with someone else? Negative thoughts swirled into his mind.

Maybe she only saw him as a friend, no more, no less.

And paranoia got the best out of him.

One day, Michael saw Michelle and ran after her.

"Hey Michelle, wait up."

"I’m quite in a hurry today. A lot of things came up."

"I haven’t seen you lately? Is there something wrong," he asked.

"Nothing. I really have to go," she replied.

"Can we at least talk for a while?"

"Not now. I really can’t talk to you right now."

"Did I do something wrong?"

"Nothing. Okay, let’s meet on the 13th, 5 PM. On the place where we first met."

"Wait!"

And just like that, she quickly walked away leaving him confused.

The 13th came. It was a peaceful afternoon. The sun set slowly into the horizon, making everything glow in romantic red. Michael felt the stars would show up clearly in the night sky later. Just like what she asked, he was there. Just like a rerun of his own romantic movie, he brought white roses for her. He was meeting with his soon-to-be girlfriend, Michelle, in their spot in the football field. Today was the 13th; a day believed by some to be unlucky. But for him, it was special.

Today is the forth monthsary of their friendship, and today is the day he will propose to her his love.

He looked at his watch. The short hand was in the number six while the long hand had just reached the number 12. She should have arrived by now.

A few minutes later, as he was looking at his watch for the nth time, he saw someone from afar. He then stood up from the concrete bench he was sitting and stared at the girl in front of her.

"What are you doing here," Michael asked.

"We need to talk," Anne replied.   

"I’m meeting someone else today here."

"I’m meeting you today."

"I’m meeting another girl, not you."

"I know. She told me everything."

"What?"

"Would you like to listen to what I have to say?"

"Isn’t it enough that you already left me? Do you really despise me that much that you have to ruin my life?"

"Would you try to listen first? I didn’t come here to ruin your date with Michelle. I came here to give you this."

She gave him the letter from Michelle.

"A girl I met a few days ago gave me that letter. She said she was Michelle and she had some resemblance to you. I even thought she was one of your cousin or close relatives. He explained to me how you’ve been doing for the pass few months since we broke-up. She said that she will be leaving you soon and that I should give you that letter."

"Stop it."

Michael didn’t remember how everything started. He can’t even remember most of the things Anne said to her. But there were few words that he remembered. And those few words opened his eyes for tears to flow.

"She said some things that made me decide to meet you today."

"What were those things?"

"She said that for the past few months you’ve been hurting. You tried to hate me for breaking up with you but you can’t because you know that I have all the reasons for leaving you. You even tried so hard to love again. And she said that amidst all the pain, you still love me."

"…"

"She said it with such vindication that when I closed my eyes, it was you who was speaking those words. I felt like I was talking to you. And when I finally opened my eyes, I saw you."

"I, then realized that still love you, Michael. And I feel you still love me too. Michelle was right. It’s not only you that was to blame for letting our love fade. We both let it fade. I should have been more understanding and patient with you. I only thought of myself because I don’t like being taken for granted. But in doing so, I did to you what I don’t want you to do to me. I’m scared of being alone and lonely. I should have worked things out with you. I’m so sorry…"

"I don’t know what to say," Michael said.

"Me neither," Anne answered. "But talking to her made me realized that our break-up is one of the greatest mistakes I’ve done. I realized that I should have talked to you first, and gave you another chance."

"…"

"But now, I’m the one who needs to ask for a second chance."

"…"

"Would you still accept me?"   

"I still love you."

"And I love you too."

And they sealed their loved with a kiss.

Michael was not alone now. The hours passed seemed eternity, and yet his endless waltz under the moonlight with Anne was all worth the wait. He was thankful to the heavens for the miracle: Michelle. In the clear night sky, amidst all the other shimmering stars, a lone star stood out more brightly than the rest of them.

Before they went home, he opened the letter.

As he read Michelle’s letter, somewhere in the back of his mind he hears her voice:

"It was nice to have finally met you, it was more fun than just looking to you from above. Thanks for your admiration. I will be always be with you. We are one and we’ll always be one."   

Far from Michael and Anne, Michelle looks as the two of them kissed each other. All that she could do was to watch hopelessly as her own tears showered her wounded heart.

-30-